When God told me No

I am a singer. My grandma was a coloratura soprano and that’s what I classify my voice as too. Very recently I was working on singing in a concert with a tenor who graduated from Juilliard. I was going to perform 2 arias. An aria is basically a fancy word for a solo song in an opera. I was going to perform “Bell Song” from Lakme and the “Queen of the Night” aria from the Magic Flute by Mozart. Both arias are extremely difficult and only a very skilled coloratura can sing it well. 

My voice teacher who I have taken from for years was preparing me for the concert. She is my mentor and has always told me that I could have an opera career if I wanted. That is what all of my teachers have told me. But I decided to choose a different life! I have two beautiful girls and a rock star husband. My biggest dream in life was to be a homemaker!!! That is what I am and I absolutely adore my “job” as a mom!

My second daughter, Gracie, is only 9 months old. I didn’t realize it at the time but right after she was born I went through some pretty intense postpartum depression and anxiety. Basically I had too much on my plate between preparing for my concert, moving, going through my husbands job changes, adjusting to being a mom of two girls just 19 months apart, getting a new church calling that had nothing to do with music or taking care of children.....etc! I was praying so hard to have help. I was getting hardly any sleep and I was thinner than ever. I didn’t realize that I was unhealthy and that I needed to ask for help.

One day my brain finally decided that it had had enough. I started having hallucinations and I had to be taken to the hospital. I was there for a week and it felt like heck! It was the hardest week of my life and even harder for my husband and my mom who was so worried!! 

I won’t go into to much detail but basically I now just have major insomnia and as long as I get enough sleep my body is fine. 

I am grateful that God told me no. I was beyond excited for the opportunity to perform, but I choose health and family first. Being in the hospital gave me an incredible outlook on life! Every day that I am healthy and with my family is the best day ever!!!!! I hope that the things I’ve shared can help someone. I believe we go through trials to learn and to help others.  Everyone has trials! Some trials are loud and easy to see. Some trials like the ones I talked about in this blog are sneaky and quiet. I think the most important thing is is to choose love over judgement and try to walk in another persons shoes. The Book of Mormon says that Charity never faileth! 

In this young mamma season that I’m in, I may have to only perform in church. At least I have two beautiful girls to sing too every day!  I am also grateful to have 15 incredible voice students that I get to teach every week! I run my own vocal studio called Cheryl Fowers’ Flowers and Gents. I’m so not posting this to make money (my vocal studio is full!) I just want to share because sometimes your mess is your message! I am often a hot mess but I’m a “beautiful mess.” I guess when it comes down to it my hope is that you learn to be kind to yourself! We are all children of God! 

Be You-tiful,

Cheryl